she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
