my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to align my fucking chakras
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
