but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
