so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
how drunk are you?
Several
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
