problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
