I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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