Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
