3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
