i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
