Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally had phone sex last night
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
