the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
