It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
