I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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