oh god the rape fog is back!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
