So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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