two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
