I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
