My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
