So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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