3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
