I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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