I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
