I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
