So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
