Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
