yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
