Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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