A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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