I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
