it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
