Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
