And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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