Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
