I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
