I hate your face
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
