if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
