rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
