i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
