I just pynch a tree in the face
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
