Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
