i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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