It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
