i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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