Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Bring me that man meat
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
