ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
