Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
