we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
