I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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