Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
