She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
