Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
