There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
